Hi there,
For the last year, I have spread myself too thin trying to meet all the demands I was putting on myself; shining in a demanding full time job, succeeding in university night classes, nurturing a wonderful relationship, keeping fit, maintaining friendships and family relationships, and many other obligations I felt I had to meet and be perfect at. This was driving me mad. I was feeling stressed, anxious, and exhausted.
One day at work, I was feeling below par so I decided to go to the gym at lunchtime. My heart started beating to fast and so loud in my ears I could only lie down in the middle of the gym, surrounded by loud aerobics music and girating middle-aged women. It was as if a flame had gone out inside. I could have slept there for the whole afternoon, in the middle of all this activity. My heart was sending me a loud message...SLOW DOWN.
Thankfully, my doctor agreed and granted me several weeks off work to learn how to relax. I had to LEARN HOW TO RELAX. Have you ever heard of such a thing?
The first few days were terrifying. I couldn't sleep because my heart was palpitating with all the anxious thoughts that invaded my brain. Among them was the fear and stress of NOT BEING ABLE TO FALL ASLEEP. Counter productive much? To have difficulty sleeping because I was worried about not being able to fall asleep. That's when I knew this was going to be harder than I thought. Relax. relax. relax. Breathe. breathe. breathe. Argh, forcing myself to relax made it worse.
If you can relate to any of this, Your Are Not alone. People came out of the woodworks to give me tips and tricks to relax and many people had gone through or were going through the same situation. Some suggested I was on the verge of a burnout. The dreaded "B" word. That scared me because a burnout takes a long time to get over and may even prevent you from living a full-speed-ahead life for a few years! I couldn't afford to put my dreams on hold for a few YEARS. So I listened. These are just a few things I heard.
1) LEARN TO BREATHE: Yoga, my friends. Yoga. For those sceptics out there, give yoga at least three tries. Try different yoga guides. A good instructor will guide you to a place of inner well being, if only for a moment. Eventually, you will be able to cultivate two fleeting moments, and then three, until those moments will become minutes, and even hours. At the very least, you will learn how to breathe properly. That, alone will help you through anxiety attacks and stressful moments.
2) LEARN TO NOTICE WHY YOU ARE STRESSING. PUT THINGS INTO PERSPECTIVE.
We worry constantly. Some of us more than others. Sometimes, those worries become great sources of stress and some of the stressors can lead to anxiety. Anxiety is linked to fear. Ask yourself, what is it that you fear? It could be as simple as, "I don't want to let anybody down" or "I don't want to get criticized". Once you've identified the root of the fear, ask yourself, "What is the worst that can happen?" and then ask yourself "Will this have any importance in 10 years from now?". Chances are, the fear is blown out of proportion and the situation is really not that important to stress about in the long term.
3) TAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF. This is so important. It will probably bring some balance to an otherwise duty-oriented existence. We spend so much of our time doing things we feel we HAVE to do. We do things because they have a purpose. We try to make decisions with our head instead of our heart. All that is great. I'm the first to advocate logical decision-making. But when do you ever take time to do something simply because you like doing it? Not because it leads to something, or that it has a larger purpose. I mean, doing something you've always wanted to do for no apparent reason but for the thing itself. That was one of my biggest problems.
I had been doing so many things because they had a greater purpose that I forgot what it was to truly enjoy something for its own sake.
For example, I had taken up tennis. I loved it, but then I got competitive and I made it a goal to join a tournament (which never happened). I dropped tennis after a few months of courses.
Then, I took up jewelry-making. An inocuous, quiet activity. But I soon saw it as a small business opportunity (which never flourished) and started putting pressure on myself to make more and more.
Then I started learning Italian. How do I love that beautiful language. I was doing well and enjoying it...until I decided that I wanted to master it in order to become an active member of the Italian community in my city. And I'm not even Italian!
Are you exhausted yet?
So find something you can enjoy for its own sake. That is yours and my project for today.
Good luck!
Gemmy
